"Let me see that," Quistis demanded.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it. It doesn't even hurt." I shook my head.

She frowned reproachfully. "Look, you're bleeding. Let me see." She reached for me and I sighed, exasperated, and let her unzip my vest. She touched my side.

"Hyne, Seifer, this is bad." She looked up at me, and I saw a glimmer of fear in her eyes.

I looked down, and realized that she was right. My whole right side was drenched in blood. It looked like a bite wound, a huge one. How had I gotten it?

"You're going to die, Seifer," she said solemnly.

She slid her bloody hands up my bare chest.

"So let's make the most if it."

I opened my eyes and blinked. That was a new one.

I sat up and rubbed my forehead. My room was bright, and the clock told me that I had slept later than I had in months. I'd completely missed the AM. I glanced at my phone. No messages. I hadn't slept through a mission or anything like that, so all was well. I didn't have any duties until the trial.

The silence in my quarters told me that Raijin wasn't home, so I got to perform my morning ablutions in peace.

With that done, I was left with nothing to do. I opened the window in my room wide and threw myself on the bed. The standard issue curtains fluttered in the cool air.

I closed my eyes, not at all sleepy any more but ready to think. The last two months had left me little time for thoughts. That had been fine with me. I remembered hearing somewhere that sometimes, when a person was in terrible pain and nothing could be done, sedating them and removing them from agony sometimes did what no medicine or surgery could. When pain itself prevented healing.

I had been sedated in Balamb. Thinking back on it, it hadn't exactly been convalescence. It had been treatment, those hot summer days, not able to keep a thought in my head for any amount of time at all. I wondered about that drowsiness.  Had it been the natural response of my own mind to trauma? Or had it been imposed on me? If so, by whom? I didn't believe in gods; my world was a physical one. But I had to wonder.

The real convalescence had begun with my return to Garden. It made more sense. I'd been capable of thinking about the worst blot on my conscience, but had consciously chosen not to. I had firmly repressed any thoughts of my episode as Ultimecia's knight. I couldn't remember most of it, but I could well imagine what I had done.

Somehow, in the last weeks, I had arrived at a kind of acceptance. There wasn't anything I could do about it, so guilt wouldn't do me any good at all. It had turned out fine in the end, even for me. I hadn't lost my life. Maybe I had lost my sanity, but it had returned to me like a runaway child, cold, hungry, and ready for rest.

I flipped over onto my stomach and gazed out the window. That weird dream. Logically, I knew it was just my mind sorting through yesterday, picking out the blood and that curious sensual twist of Trepe's lips when I touched her and spinning them into a disturbing story. I knew myself inside and out, and recognized that the transferring of the wound onto my own flesh was the embodiment of my fear of death. Everyone is afraid of death though, so that didn't interest me so much. It was the mix of blood and sex that intrigued me. And it had been her, of all people.

Was I in love with Trepe?

Pretty much. Damn.

I wanted to get inside that cool mask of hers. I wanted to watch her careful composure slip. I wanted to observe her perfect face as I made her cry out in ecstasy. I wanted her to make me cry out in ecstasy.

I shifted on my bed, annoyed. She was getting me all riled up.

What's more, I knew it wasn't just lust. Although there was certainly enough of that running through my veins at the moment.

My dream had changed. I had wanted to be a protector. I had wanted to shelter Rinoa. Be her knight. But that dream had shattered with Ultimecia. I hadn't been her protector; I'd been her slave. And I knew that it would have been the same if it had somehow worked out with Rinoa, although it wouldn't have been the same kind of slavery. I had no interest in letting someone else run my life for me, not any more.

I wanted a partner. Someone to stand by my side. Someone strong. And there was someone more fit than Fujin after all.

 

The mission trial was a breeze.

Two days after the field trial, I woke to Raijin's pounding on my door.

"They just called us, Seifer! Did you hear it? Meet outside the front gate in 10 minutes!"

I rolled out of bed and donned the mission uniform. After the first time I had failed a mission trial I hadn't bothered to wear it. But I had a lot riding on this exam.

Fujin was present as well, and we three trotted down to the front gate just two minutes later. I wouldn't need breakfast today; the mission trials were physically unchallenging.

I didn't see Trepe outside the gate, but I saw our class. And two hundred other people, most of them SeeDs. I wondered what kind of mission would require so many of us. I wished Raijin and Fujin good luck and we parted, each for our own class.

"Is this everyone?" A dark haired young man wearing a SeeD uniform gazed around at our group.

"Yeah," said Jax. "Where's Instructor Trepe?"

"She's been asked to attend the engagement party for Rinoa and Squall in Esthar." So they were getting married. Good for them. "I'll be proctoring this exam for her. I'm Nida." The guy who wrote Garden Warfare. I decided I probably shouldn't kick his ass right now. That would have to wait until after I passed. If I passed.

"Let's get going." We piled into one of the skimmers parked in formation on the grass, and Nida explained our mission as we flew.

"Esthar has made several monster sweeps recently, but the city still isn't safe. The President has asked for SeeD assistance. We will be clearing the city while Esthar technicians erect a force barrier around the city. There are ten of you, so two squads of three and one of four." He listed the squad assignments. I was in Squad C, under Jax with Marya and Sim. They were cheerful kids, and decent fighters. It could have been worse. And not being in charge would probably be easier for me. I wouldn't be as tempted to go haring off in my own direction. I still got angry when I thought about the last mission trial I had taken; I had been right to follow those Galbadian soldiers, and everyone knew it. But of course I had been flunked.

We were assigned the shopping plaza, and I was surprised at how many monsters were wandering around. They must have been fast-breeding life forms, if there were still this many after several sweeps. Either that, or the Lunar Cry had dropped a lot more monsters on Esthar than I had thought. I wondered how many citizens the creatures had killed. Probably a lot.

It actually took several hours for the four of us to clear out our assigned section. It seemed like whenever we had actually gotten rid of the monsters, more would creep into the plaza from the end we weren't present at. Finally Jax split our group in two at the middle, each pair forcing their way to one end of the plaza. The other squads must have done the same, for by the time Marya and I reached the south end of the plaza, we could see a pair from Squad A moving toward our position. When they reached us, they both turned, grinning, and went to help their lone teammate.

We spent an hour on standby, and then Jax and Sim rejoined us.

"The city is clear. Esthar's army will conduct the search for monster lairs. It's time to go."

And we didn't encounter a single non-human creature on our way back to the rendezvous point.

We got back to B-Garden in the middle of the afternoon. By then I was starving, and headed directly for the cafeteria. There was an unusual crowd for this time of day, and I sighed as I stood at the back of the queue.

"How'd it go?" A friendly voice inquired from behind me.

I turned, only to find Zell Dincht looking up at me. I remembered our last rather unnerving meeting. He must have done some serious chilling out between then and now.

I shrugged. "The city's clean. And I didn't go haring off on any little side-quests. But you know the faculty. I'd say it went well, but who knows?"

He laughed. "Yeah, you never know with them, do ya? But Quisty says you've been working hard, so I wouldn't worry about it." Quisty, huh? Oh yeah, Dincht had been at the orphanage too. Seemed like the whole world had been crowded in that stone house.

"I'm not. Too hungry to worry about anything." He grinned, and I found that I had finally reached the front of the line. The cafeteria lady looked at me impatiently.

"Come on, hurry it up," she said.

"Two hotdogs. A salad," I said menacingly. "Turkey and Swiss on rye." I heard Zell begin to laugh. I stabbed a gloved finger at a glass case without looking. "Two of those cookies." I leaned in, glaring for all I was worth. "A glass of milk," I whispered.

She shrugged, unimpressed, and took my money. Another cafeteria worker brought me my two trays, and I heard her tell Dincht that I'd gotten the last of the hotdogs.

"DAMN!" he yelled. "Just a cookie then. And some milk. And Hyne help you if I don't get some hotdogs tonight."

I turned back, one tray in each hand. "Hey, Zell. You want mine?"

He looked at me surprised, and broke into a grin. "Yeah, sure! I owe you one, Seifer."

So he sat with me, and I surprised myself by enjoying his company. He was an enthusiastic talker, gesturing expressively with hands sheathed in red leather and metal. He told me about his girlfriend, Ezaine, after I asked him about the girl I had seen him with.

"She works in the library," he said, blushing. "Her weapon's the staff. She just got a new one, Sherwood."

"Hey," I said. "Tell her to see Raijin if she wants some practice. There's nobody better."

"Thanks. She'll like that."

The intercom blared. "Will those who participated in today's field trial assemble in the second floor corridor?"

"That's me. Catch you later," he waved me off, engrossed once more in his hotdog.

The corridor was crowded. I found Fujin and Raijin.

"How did it go, Seifer?" I shrugged.

"What about you guys?" I asked.

"Dunno, ya know?" Fujin just smiled. They'd done fine then. Good.

Cid didn't keep us waiting. I could see him peeking over the shoulders of students until they realized he was there and moved out of his way.

"Well," he said. "This is certainly a big class. Oh, Esthar was today. More than one, then." He cleared his throat.

"Let's see." He looked at a sheet of paper in his hand. "Seifer Almasy." So much for suspense. Fujin clutched my arm, surprised.

I hissed at her. "Don't look so damned shocked, Fuj." She blushed and released my arm. I grinned down at her. "I'll forgive you this time."

Cid continued reading off names, but I didn't hear him. I just stood there, grinning, more happy than I'd been in a long time. Some fatalistic part of me had told me that I would flunk again. Xu's words came to me then. "You'll never be a SeeD." She'd been wrong.

I was startled out of my reverie when Fujin and Raijin bumped into me, lips locked in a startling display of public affection. They'd passed too, apparently. It was perfect.

Cid cleared his throat again, red-faced. "Normally I give each of you a few words in my office. But, ah, I don't think you all would fit. So I'll speak to each of you personally at the ball tonight. Attendance is required. 2000 hours."

The crowd dispersed slowly, and I slipped away quietly. There were some things I needed to take care of before the ball.

I sipped my drink and tried not to scratch. The dress uniform was itchy.

I watched Raijin and Fujin dance; Raijin was a surprisingly good dancer. For someone that big, he was light on his feet.

I spotted Cid homing in on me and forced myself not to escape. I had to listen to him; it was required. I drained the glass.

He snagged a fresh drink off a waiter's tray and handed it to me, smiling.

"Well, you made it. Congratulations." He smiled, and blinked owlishly. "I always knew you would, son." And then he was gone, surprising me. He'd called me son. And he hadn't rambled at me. That was an even bigger surprise than the first.

I looked around, searching for Quistis. She should be here somewhere, shouldn't she? It was getting late. I walked the perimeter of the ballroom, but I didn't see her. Maybe she wasn't going to be here after all.

Disappointed, I stepped out onto the balcony for some air, and realized that someone was already occupying it. Annoyed, I was about to return to the ballroom, but something about the woman's stance caught my attention, and it came to me that I'd found Quistis.

I hadn't realized it at first. Her hair was down and she was wearing a smooth green dress. It was floor length with a slit in the back, and I noticed that she wasn't wearing shoes. I smiled to myself. She must have forgotten it was there when she decided not to bother with shoes; she would never knowingly let people catch her doing something even slightly improper.

I drew her present out of my breast pocket. "I thought you weren't going to come. I have something for you."

She turned to look at me, and smiled. I walked up to the railing and leaned on it. "You're looking quite handsome tonight, Seifer. The uniform suits you." I was tempted to smile. She must have had a few in her to admit that.

"Thank you. For everything," I said, and held out the gloves I had bought her that afternoon in Balamb. "You were looking at my gloves at the field trial. I thought you might like a pair of your own." I knew perfectly well why I had bought them. Although I'd never been on the courting side of that particular dance before.

"You didn't have to-" she started, but I gestured and she stopped.

"I know." Did women always protest gifts? "Try them on." She did, and I got a nice opportunity to admire her slim forearms.

"Perfect. Thank you. Did you ever get the blood out of your clothes?"

"Yes, Instructor." I waited for her response. Hopefully, she'd protest the formal address.

She did. "I'm not your instructor any more. Just Quistis." Good. I might actually have a chance here.

I looked away from her, out over the darkened meadowland that B-Garden squatted on. "I want to keep in shape. Are you going to be really busy? Because I'd like to keep practicing with you, and Raijin and Fujin aren't a challenge." How romantic, I sneered at myself. "The others..."

Well, the others weren't blonde blue-eyed bombshells. Zell certainly didn't count.

"Certainly. Any time. Practice is important, and I'm going to go on a few missions and take some leave time before I teach again, so I won't be getting much." She obviously had no inkling of why I had asked her. I'd have to show her. But before I could do anything, we were interrupted.

"Seifer! There you are." Marya Delee. "Come on, let's dance." She grabbed my hand and I gritted my teeth, smiling down at her. Quistis waved at us idly, and I let Marya drag me back into the ballroom.

We danced, and I thought of asking Quistis next, but looking around, I didn't see her. She'd left. I sighed mentally. Not tonight, then. But it would have been the perfect cap to a perfect day. Oh well. There were other satisfying ways I could end my first day as a SeeD.

I smiled down at the red headed girl in my arms.