I was dreaming, I think. One of those dreams that starts out normal and spins down into strangeness so quickly that you are startled awake. My eyes snapped open and I realized it was light outside. I looked at my clock. 0700 hours. May as well get up. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. The floor was cold under my bare feet. I yawned and rubbed my head absently, noticing that my hair was sticking up crazily. It was too long; I needed a haircut.

I took a long shower. No one was up, and I had the bathroom all to myself. I stood, head bowed under the water's attack, and wondered who my instructor would be. Just not Xu, for love of Hyne.

I shaved, only cutting myself three or four times, and went back to my quarters to dress. It was still way too early, and I decided to actually eat breakfast for once. The cafeteria opens pretty early. I took as much time as possible, lingering over coffee and toast, but I was still about ten minutes early when I ambled my way up to room 2B.

I opened the door and realized that someone else was there early too. The Instructor. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to hit something or laugh. No way was I ever going to become a SeeD with Trepe as my instructor. I mean, come on. We'd tried to kill each other not too long ago. Although I didn't exactly remember it. I shrugged mentally. I'd find out soon enough.

"Good morning, Instructor," I said politely, finding my way to a seat.

"Good morning, Seifer. You're early." Yeah, yeah, shut up now, okay? But of course she didn't.

"I'd like to see you after class, Seifer," she said, tapping her pencil on the desk. "There are some things we need to discuss." Hard to believe they actually gave her back her license. Trepe sucked big time at teaching, struggled way too hard to be a good little teacher, every student's friend. She didn't realize that you have to keep a certain distance to be an effective leader. That's one of the reasons I don't share personal stuff with Raijin and Fujin; they respect me more. Or respected. Not after that one bizarre day, the day I woke up; which really just proves my point. Get too close and you lose all respect. At any rate, I knew what Trepe wanted. And it annoyed the hell out of me. Edea was the only person I had told about what happened to me. In fact, Edea is one of the only people I've ever shared personal thoughts with. I remembered telling Rinoa some things, that summer that seemed so distant after everything that had happened. But still, what right did Trepe have to pry? It was none of her business, and I told her so.

Of course, she didn't like that at all. "I'm the one who decides whether you pass or fail. I'm willing to give you every chance, Seifer." I wondered if she actually meant that. I didn't like her tone. "But you'll cooperate, or there's no point in you being here. SeeDs must be able to obey orders. This is the least of the trials you'll be going through in the next eight weeks, and if you're balking at a simple discussion with your Instructor..." She was threatening me. I couldn't believe it.

"I don't like threats, Instructor," I said, anger flaring anew inside me. "And why eight weeks? Modules are four weeks. Have I been set back?" The thought made me boil.

She shook her head. "It's not a threat, Seifer. Or not a threat that applies to you alone. That goes for all of the SeeD candidates in this class. And you haven't been set back at all. In fact, you should be taking your presence in this class as an honor. But I'll explain that when class starts."

"An honor. Great," I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster. I logged into my desk, completely disgusted.

Others finally began to arrive. I felt their looks, but I ignored them. I was used to ignoring looks; that was one skill that had been finely honed since Time Compression.

When everyone was present, Trepe stood up and made a cute little speech about the purpose of the class. This was an experimental module, apparently. I had to admit that the idea was sound. They were pairing cadets with SeeDs and taking physical training much further than the other classes. Good, I needed the practice.

I was only half paying attention, and I missed who my mentor was supposed to be. Damn. Now I'd have to ask Trepe and endure another one of her reprimands. Almasy, you're off to a great start.

She dismissed us, telling us to go to the Training Center today to get some practice, and I waited until everyone had left to stand up.

"Let's go, Instructor," I said, smirking. "The sooner we get this discussion over with, the sooner I can get to the Training Center." Like the Training Center would actually do me any good. I may not have been practicing much lately but I was far beyond the point where the Training Center held any threat or any usefulness.

"Meet me in the Library in fifteen minutes," she said, ignoring my insolence. "Get one of the conference rooms in the back."

Yes, O Leader, thought I, and bowed with a flourish before making my exit.

 

The conference rooms were all taken. I grumbled and knocked on the door of one of the rooms. What a pain.

"Yeah?" I heard from inside. Fine. I opened the door and stuck my head inside.

"I need to-" I started, but then saw who I had interrupted.

Zell Dincht and some girl were studying, papers and open-faced books lying haphazardly across the table. Diagrams and equations covered the entirety of the whiteboard hung on the wall.

I stopped, annoyed and uncertain. This was inconvenient. Dincht hated me. He hated me even before Time Compression. My vision blurred in that way that meant I was remembering something, and I saw a gloved fist flying at my face so fast it was little more than a flash of metal and leather. I felt myself fly back, heard Hyperion clatter to the smooth floor of the Lunatic Pandora. Felt blood run down my face, blackness closing in. Then the memory passed. So Dincht had dealt the final blow. Good for him.

"Are you okay?" asked the girl. Ezaine something or other. Pretty little bit, but I hardly noticed.

"Yeah," I said, looking at Dincht. He looked at me, eyes ice pale and warning. Funny, I remembered the kid being such a goof. Nothing goofy about him now, I thought.

Slowly, the hair on my arms began to stand. What? I looked at my arms, not that I could see them through the coat, and back at Dincht. He was still staring at me, and I began to feel uneasy. Suddenly my instincts screamed at me, telling me to get the hell out of there.

"Ah," I said, confused. He's dangerous, he's going to kill you, get OUT! "I'm sorry," I managed, and closed the door.

What the HELL was that? I wondered, feeling a relief that shamed me.

I decided to ask the Librarian on duty to get me a room, telling her that Instructor Trepe wanted a conference room. She kicked two junior classmen out of one of the rooms, and waved me in, smiling.

I sat down facing the door, back to the wall, and waited for Trepe.

 

She got there eventually. I wondered what the hell she had been doing; I'd never been any good at waiting.

She sat down in the other chair, folded her arms, and looked at me. I growled mentally. She was the one who wanted to talk, not me.

"Well? What do you want?" I said.

She didn't wait even a second to jump all over me. "You mean, 'what do you want, Instructor.'"

For Hyne's sake, give it a rest. I gritted my teeth and smirked at her. "Fine, Instructor. What do you want, Instructor?" I know exactly how to annoy people like her, and I turned the 'annoying knob' all the way up.

Trepe gave me one last warning look and began. "I want to know two things. I want to know why you're back, and I want to know how committed you are to doing this." Maybe she really did intend to give me a fair shot at this. Nice thought, but I hated the idea of telling her anything. Still, I really did want to do this. Become a SeeD. Finally succeed. But fuck. I had to talk to Trepe to do that. Damn it.

I struggled with myself, really tempted to say "Fuck that. I'm outta here." But then I wouldn't be able to stay.

Finally, I got fed up. Almasy, quit being such a sniveling little shit and give her the story you were going to give Edea. It's not that big of a deal. Grow up.

"I don't remember everything that happened," I began. "Those months...they're all hazy. Raijin will mention something we did during that time, and I'll think that it sounds familiar. But I can't remember clearly what happened. Not the way I remember yesterday or the day before. What I remember are the dreams. The way I felt. Ultimecia...she sent them. The dreams. You can probably guess. Power, glory. The world at my fingertips. Crowds screaming my name." I paused. "I felt...frenzied.

"Edea says I was seduced. I don't know, though. I think she's trying to put the best face on it for herself. Practically her own son, of course it wasn't his fault." Poor Edea. She didn't want to believe the truth, not even when I explained it explicitly. "Yes, I remember the orphanage. Quisty," I spat. "But that doesn't matter.

"It wasn't the power and glory. Or it wasn't just that. Squall. I felt cheated. I was the better fighter, but everything seemed to come to him. SeeD rank. Later, Rinoa. And don't tell me he wasn't just as unpleasant as I was. We both know better." It hadn't been just Squall, of course; even I wouldn't try to destroy the world out of simple jealousy. There were just too many reasons. But telling Trepe that it had been mainly Squall would have satisfactory results. Let her think that I was that shallow. She wanted to anyway.

"I didn't understand it. But I was angry. I knew that there wasn't any way people would look up to me the way they looked up to him." This wasn't entirely true. It was true now, though. "And I knew full well what Ultimecia's plan was. I wanted revenge, and after that I wanted oblivion. I wasn't just suckered into it. I wanted it, all of it. But the frenzied feeling. I don't know if you would call it a side effect of seduction, or a side effect of insanity. It's just too complicated.

"But after Time Compression...the three of us woke up in a field outside of Balamb. I have no idea how we got there. I was just lying there in this field and there were flowers everywhere. It's stupid but I just couldn't feel angry or insane or anything with those flowers everywhere. I just laid there and stared into space. I don't think I've ever felt so good. Lying there in that field, my two best friends still sleeping beside me. That was what did it. I couldn't believe that I had tried to snuff out the whole world. Raijin and Fujin." There, Trepe, that's what you wanted to hear. No way was I going to tell her what happened after that.

"I came back to Garden because it's just about the only thing I've ever known, except for the orphanage. This is my home. And my skills are fighting skills. There's no use for that except in someone's army or in SeeD. And after being at Garden...I don't think I would do well as a normal soldier. They wouldn't take me anyway." Or they might, but I probably wouldn't like their plans for me. I had no interest in terrorism. Time to finish this little speech.

"As far as commitment goes, I don't think you have to worry. I need to do this. I think I've got what it takes, but I have to know. I need to prove it. Not to you or Squall or anyone else. Just me, Instructor." I surprised myself with the truth of that statement. It came out harsh, and I looked at her hot-eyed.

She didn't say anything for a moment. When she did speak, her voice was gentle, and I marveled. How easy she was to move. Pitiful. "Thank you, Seifer. I apologize for forcing you to tell me this. Please try to understand that I needed to know. I think that if you were in my position you'd do the same." Apologizing. I didn't expect that, not from Trepe, and almost against my will I was mollified a bit.

I shook my head. "No. This would have been the answer if our positions had been reversed." I wrapped my fingers around Hyperion's blade, and something passed across her face, there in a flash and gone in an instant. Horrified, Trepe? I never said I was nice.

She leaned forward, and told me what she was planning for me. Testing my ability to take orders. I shrugged mentally. We both knew that that was the core reason why I had never passed a SeeD exam. Unwilling to follow stupid orders. So be it. I'd follow every order given to me. Stupid or not.

Suddenly I realized something. "So you're my mentor." She nodded, and I groaned inwardly. I'd have to put up with her all the time. Great.

"Just don't tell anyone that I was talking about flowers. I'll die of embarrassment, and then you'll never get to make me a SeeD." I looked at her slyly, and surprised a blush creeping up her face. I couldn't help but laugh. I made Trepe, perpetual ice queen, blush. Good stuff.

She glared at me, and when I finally quit laughing, spoke. "I won't tell anyone what you've said to me. It's your story, not mine. Go eat lunch now, cadet. And then go find that field you woke up in and lay down in it for one hour. You look like you could use a little rain." Me and my big mouth. Gah, how stupid. Oh yes, a stupid order. I stood up.

"Yes, Instuctor," I said mildly. She told me I could check a car out. A reward for playing nice? Fine, I'll be nice. So nice you'll choke.